So Close
by heyBRITTANY
Summary: We all say we would rather have something rather than having nothing at all, but the truth is having it half way hurts more than having nothing at all.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.

Based off of my life, even down to the details and feelings.

By no means am I racist though, but sadly my parents are.

This is my current situation with the boy I love.

Read on, I don't mean to offend anyone though.

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_It's crazy right,  
to love someone who's hurt you  
& it's even crazier to think that someone  
who hurt you loves you._

_He hurt me and I still love him._

There I finally said it. Now If only I could say it to him, but that would be totally messed up.

He wouldn't understand how though. I was the one who told him we should stop our friends with benefits thing we had going on.

I can't stop thinking about him, I found a great guy to move on with though.

_I'm sincerely trying to move on._

But he's the only one on my mind.

He's the only person who can make me so happy but so mad at him at the same.

He made me experience what it really felt like to love someone. To love someone so unconditionally and so uncontrollably. He taught me how to love since no one else ever did.

He's the only person who can ruin my day and make it so much better by just talking to me, even if he happens to be saying things that make me want to explode, runaway and cry my eyes out until there's nothing left.

I knew that saying goodbye to him was the worst and best thing to do.

Worst because I'm still hopelessly in love with and there's nothing no one can do to help me out of it.

I've tried everything. I've tried not talking to him, I've tried ignoring him and I've even tried moving on as said before.

_Nothing works, ever._

Best because it was the right thing to do. We couldn't be together. My parents wouldn't allow it, I would have nothing without them so it's not like I could just say no I am going to be with him.

_It doesn't work like that._

_**Inter-racial relationships aren't tolerated in my family.**_

The night they found out was the first night my father hit me.

It was also the last time they ever found about me and him.

We started going out in February and I broke both of our hearts in July that year.

April was when they found out. Yes I stayed with him even though they found out.

We had fought and made up like normal couples. We had the normal couple drama.

All my friends hated him except my best friend. I don't think many of his friends were too fond of me either.

That summer I spent _trying_ to move on. _Trying_ but not succeeding.

Then school started once again. He was in my two science classes, lunch and a study hall. **Great.**

You're trying to get over someone who is everywhere you go.

Not to mention you both do the same activities together after school. Yes I'm referring to drama and community service club. He would have been kicked off basketball if he didn't do them.

He never tried to stop when you broke up with him and the rumors I heard about him asking out Taylor again and spending the whole summer with her after we broke up just broke my heart that I repaired into about a billion little more pieces. Which they don't surprise me one bit.

Typical him.

We started talking again and we were okay friends in school and civil to each other even though every time I was near him I could feel everything breaking inside my body.

We both helped with open house at the school is when we kissed for the first time again since we had broken up.

I kissed him. **I kissed him.** _I kissed him._ I kissed him. 

He responded and kissed me back so it wasn't my entire fault.

I thought maybe we could try it again.

The Homecoming came. Worst night of my life by far. He asked me the whole day if I would go with. I had mixed emotions and I didn't think I was going to go since I'm not that into football and the dance was right after.

I decided to go; I convinced Gabby and Troy to go to both the game and dance. I mainly wanted to go for _him. _He thought that I wasn't going so he brought his new girlfriend. I didn't know he had one till that night. I was played. My friends had his ass that night. Troy wanted to beat the shit out of him and Gabby wanted to bitch him out. There were other people who came up to me and asked if I was okay and what happened but I put on my façade. But I was dying on the inside. I left when I saw them slow dance and kiss, I just couldn't take it. I went outside for a little bit for "some air" but we all know I was crying.

I forgave him eventually but that was after he broke up with her.

That's when our friends with benefits started. It's when the lying became a habit. It's when my lust for him was at the fullest. When the sneaking around started.

Wanting something you know you can't have and you almost have it but you don't at the same time.

I'm pretty sure the school knew but I didn't care. Neither did he. I chose not to because I almost had what I wanted for so long, it was almost mine but then it started to get **dangerous** again.

I almost got caught with him five times. Five scary, heart racing and blood curling times.

I ended our friends with benefits the first week after the New Year.

The most difficult thing I've ever done. That's when I made my first slice mark on my arm. That's when I knew officially broke my heart and his. I did again.

We were in love and I ruined it. I did. I was so stupid, but it was for the best.

It has to be for the best. Now it's the last week of February, so close to the date we got together. Actually one day, one more day and it would have been a year. _So close._

He came back for me this time, he proved he loved me. Hes done everything to change my mind and almost caved every time. But the voice in the back of my head that said your family wouldn't approve stopped me from taking him back.

I told him that I loved him and that I want him to be happy. I told him he should move on and that I would be happy for him. That's a lie.

I want him to be happy but not with someone else and he feels the same about me.

We can't be together but we can't move on. I have a guy who asked me to prom and I'm going with him but I know the whole night I'm going to be picturing its _him._

We are slight friends still. But he's changed. He drinks, does pot and he even quit basketball. He's barely ever home and doesn't do his school work. I only see him in my classes now. I want to help but I can't because the only way he'll stop id if I'm with him and I can't be.

It makes me feel like I want to die.

**I want to die.**

**I Sharpay Evans want to die.**

Chad Danforth hurt me and I Sharpay Evans hurt him but somehow we still love each other.

I have accepted that things can't be but that doesn't mean my world isn't filled with **hurt**.

_**We all say we would rather have something rather than having nothing at all, but the truth is having it half way hurts more than having nothing at all.**_

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So that's it. Review! Please.

It would mean the world. Advice would be awesome. If you want a sequel to the one-shot. I just may write it.

Even though I should have been doing my homework instead of this! But i had to get my feelings out somehow.

Oh! Sorry for any mistakes didn't get the chance to proof read so sorry. I hope you understand though.

But, first you have to REVIEW!


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